When it was me
by jenwen1988
Summary: Songfic showing a softer side to Kathy  that's the one we love to hate! . How does she feel knowing her husband is in love with another woman? Song is Paula Deanda: When it was me. I suck at summaries...enjoy!


**I do not own any of the characters within the story…I've just taken creative licence! They all belong to the fabulous Dick Wolf. **

**A/N: Started this a few days ago and finally decided to finish it. At the moment I consider it to be complete however if I get enough reviews/comments that think I should continue I will. Please review. It would be nice to know that people actually have an opinion on what I've written…good, bad, indifferent…I want to know. I hope you enjoy.**

As the alarm clock on the bedside table sprung into action Kathy Stabler groaned and quickly hit it off. It was 6am and as a mother of four children it was time to get up, she had lunches to prepare, breakfast to serve and the school run to take care of but five more minutes snuggled up in bed with her gorgeous husband wouldn't hurt. She rolled over to give him a good morning kiss and had a little something else in mind but when she reached out to him she found his side of the bed cold and undisturbed.

This wasn't the first time she'd been 'greeted' with this sight in fact she was all too used to it, she had encountered this situation on many different occasions, it had become more and more frequent since **SHE** had arrived. Kathy hoped and prayed that her suspicions weren't true, she had raised **his** four children, married **him** right out of high school and devoted her life to making **him** happy but since Olivia Benson walked into the Special Victims Unit and became his partner things had changed.

On the rare occasions when he made it home he was distant, yes he was there physically but his mind was elsewhere. He wouldn't talk to her anymore and she couldn't remember the last time he'd touched her in any way that indicated he was still remotely interested in her, they hadn't had sex in over a year.

She loved him, she always had but she was starting to believe that the feelings were no longer mutual. He was her husband but it was now out of duty rather than desire, love or need. She couldn't lie in bed any longer, she needed to get up and perform her wifely and motherly duties but before she tended to their children she needed to freshen up. If he came home this morning she wanted to show him that she still had feelings for him, she had urges and desires that only he could satisfy.

The warm water of the shower rushed over her, as she lathered soap all over her body she felt sexy, alive, she wanted to show him that she was still the same woman he married. She wanted to make him fall in love with her again. She needed to feel wanted. Shortly after 6.30am she stepped out of the shower and turned on the radio, it provided her with adult insight into the happenings of the world, to hear adult conversation since his regular absence deprived her of engaging in it. She was lonely.

As she switched it on the weather report was just coming to an upsetting conclusion-storms and showers were expected for the duration of the day however tomorrow would be bright and sunny. She half smiled to herself thinking how appropriate the weather was, how it reflected her life..she was in deep emotional despair but she was going to do everything within her power to change it. She wanted her husband back. She hadn't noticed the radio presenter introducing the song that was now playing but as she listened she couldn't help but relate to the lyrics.

_**She's got green eyes and she's 5'5"  
Long brown hair all down her back  
Cadillac truck  
So the hell what  
What's so special about that  
She used to model, she's done some acting  
So she weighs a buck 'o 5  
And I guess that she's alright if perfection is what you like  
**_

Kathy instantly related to the heartfelt melody and if she didn't know better would have sworn that the song had been written about her life, her life with her husband Elliot and his partner Olivia. The song described 'the perfect woman' granted a few of Olivia's key features were off but anyone who had even so much as glanced at Olivia new that she was the vision of beauty. She was strong, independent, had model like features and the part that made it so damn hard for Kathy to hate her was the fact that she was practically a fucking Saint. She treated their kids like her own, and although this occasionally wound Kathy up the wrong way she knew that Olivia didn't do it out of spite. She did it because she genuinely cared.

As the bridge kicked in Kathy drifted away into their history, the previous 7 years during which time Kathy felt like the other woman, the mistress to Elliot and Olivia's partnership.

_**Ooh, ooh, and I'm not jealous, no I'm not  
Ooh, ooh, I just want everything she's got  
Ooh, ooh, you look at her so amazed  
I remember way back when you used to look at me that way  
**_

Over the past 7 years Olivia had become an integral part of their lives, Kathy expected it…he'd been close to his previous partner but this, this was different. She saw the way they looked at each other; she remembered when he used to look at her in that way. It was obvious he wanted her and from the glances she threw back at him it was crystal clear that she felt the same. The song however was right, Kathy wasn't jealous…she just missed when it was her that he felt so passionately about.

_**Tell me what makes her so much better than me  
What makes her just everything I can never be  
What makes her your every dream and fantasy  
Because I can remember when it was me.**_

By the time the chorus had played out Kathy couldn't hold herself together anymore, tears were streaming from her crystal blue eyes. She knew she'd lost him, she couldn't compare to Olivia. Olivia and Elliot were two halves of one whole and as much as she hated it Kathy couldn't deny it. She knew that Elliot fantasised about Olivia, hell she'd heard him mutter her name in his sleep on more than one occasion. She had always put it down to spending so much time with one another on the job but deep down she knew it was more.

_**And now you don't feel the same  
I remember you would shiver everytime I said your name  
You said nothing felt as good as when you gaze into my eyes  
Now you don't care I'm alive  
How did we let the fire die.**_

She heard the front door click. He was back, finally. Maybe this was it, maybe she could change. She wanted to make him feel alive, to make him feel wanted and for him to return it. She shut the radio off and hurried towards the front hallway. She gave him a gentle smile as their eyes met; her eyes sparkled wet with the tears that she had only just managed to get under control. God she loved his eyes, she could stare into them forever.

He walked slowly towards her and it was he who spoke first…

'Kathy, we need to talk'.


End file.
